A crab called Wander//Week Three/Le Cordon Bleu

My hands have started to feel the hard work and lack of manicures. They are a bit dry, tend to smell in onions plus I forget to put on my rings and am slowly remembering how to cut my own nails very short. I am also trying to find a cute way to wear a hairnet under my chef’s cap but that’s been an EPIC fail. On so many levels. 

Week three was a combination of skill, butter, arm strength, a hangover, cream and a potential drunk chef. We started with Common Doughs Part III where we learned the fine art of what the puff pastry is capable of (ever tried to cut out shapes then make a slight indentation of the same shape but smaller on the face of the puff pastry then bake it? It rises like a castle. Truth. Verite baybee) and the intense making of a fruit tart which is pretty easy and delicious. The puff pastry served as a basket for a poached egg on top of a bed of wilted leek. A great party starter and something I definitely ate the leftovers of even though that puff pastry is a wiley beeyotch. I also enjoyed watching our beloved Chef make a tart for us during Practical. I smelled wine on his breath so it makes sense. 

We then moved on to Soups Part I where we witnessed the massacre of about 20 crabs to the thrill and delight of most of the women in my class. Most crabs tried to escape the guillotine by hanging off the bowl they were in. They don’t call it a “butcher” knife fer nuthin’ ‘k? In our Demo, Chef made three soups with three different thickening elements: Watercress soup (potato thicken-er), Cream of Cauliflower (cream thicken-er) and the one we had to make during our practical: Crab Bisque (rice flower thicken-er). No one was a fan of the crab bisque although I can’t tell you how joyous it is to strain the crab-almost-bisque through a sieve and push down a million times on a heavy chinoise to extract the flavor, then do it again to make sure the soup is velvety smooth. My arm almost fell off and other than the Russian’s soup, most of ours wasn’t very good. I cry crab quality problem’k?

Now, the Russian. Our class phenom. He is 24, very sweet and doesn’t speak any French nor English and yet is our number one student. Damn the Russians. The 1994 Olympics weren’t enough, you gotta take LCB too? No, I am proud of this guy. Srsly. I’ve taken to tasting his dishes after he presents them to the chef just to see what perfection tastes like. Hearts.

LCB vol 2.//Week Two//Paris: The first 100 days

 This doesn’t belong to you. Ne touche pas biatch.

After an information overload and slicin’ ‘n dicin’ through week one, we enter week two of LCB Paris. This week, we look at my K.I.T., the lack of any good looking men at schoo, how to score…a good seat during a Demo class, that is. Plus deconstructing a quiche lorraine as a mean hangover cure. 

[pours herself a glass of Chablis and sits at the computer]

Enter week two of the Diploma program at LCB Paris. I’ve just started the first of three courses on the road to my cuisine diploma. So far I haven’t had much time to lend to peeking and oogling my K.I.T. (photo above). This was given to us during orientation. Every student gets one during orientation and you must bring it to all your practical classes. This LCB branded Wusthof kit contains, from left to right:

1. Cleaver
2. Chefs knife
3. Bread knife
4. Straight meat fork
5. Sharpening steel
6. Boning knife
7. Fillet knife
8. Flat spatula
9. Pastry spatula
10. Tasting utensils (large spoon, small spoon and fork)
11. Pastry crimper
12. Trussing needle
13. Apple corer
14. Melon baller
15. Pairing knife
16. Whisk
17. Plastic spoon
18. Pastry bag + tips
19. Pastry brush
20. Plastic scraper
21. Meat thermometer
22. Rubber to secure your cutting board (you have to buy this on your own)
23. Vegetable peeler
24. Bottle opener
25. Zester
26. Kitchen shears
27. Peeling knife

Not shown:

1.  Tefal electronic scale
2. Tupperware (x2)
3. 2 mixing bowls
4. Wine key

Week 2 K.I.T. Awards:

Most popular: Chefs knife + scraper (tie)

Prettiest: Cleaver

Most likely to kill: Trussing needle

Least popular: Melon baller

Biggest brown-noser: LCB branded pastry bag

A lovely kit she is. All items are durable and a sure thing to keep in your kitchen forever. Everyone is told to mark each item in his/her kit as things get misplaced all the time. I am not ready to de-face K.I.T. yet. 

Now that we’ve concluded knife kit porn, we move onto getting our learn on in class. Week 2 brings us “Commonly Used Doughs, Parts 1 and 2″ where we learn how to roll puff pastry (which is what makes up about 90% of all French pastry including my arch nemesis, the beloved croissant), make a pie crust (or short pastry dough), pasta dough and pissaladiere dough. All fun things as I like getting my hands dirty.

Puff pastry is QUITE the feat of rolling, resting, rolling in a SLAB of high fat butter and then rolling and turning and folding and turning and rolling and folding and turning and refrigerating and rolling and folding and turning…get it? Ya. Not for the faint hearted nor for those watching their cholesterol. That thing is basically rolled butter with some flour. 

In our Demo’s, we watched my favorite cheffie make dishes with all these common doughs: various quiches, stuffed canneloni and pissaladiere.  In our practical classes we made the pastry dough, a pissaladiere with tomatoes and anchovies and my favorite, quiche lorraine. Who needs a bacon, egg and cheese on a roll to wash down the memories (or lack thereof) of last nights vodka & soda bender when you have the supreme quiche lorraine? Plus, the “egg” is really a custard, which means heavy cream + egg. Mmmm hmmm. Nothing better to not remember last night by eh?

Speaking of benders, many of my girlfriends (read: every single one of them) have asked whether there are any cute boys in school and the sad answer is, well, no. First of all, the majority of students are women and the men are just not exactly that Johnny Iuzzini, Eric Ripert or Tom Colicchio type of swarthy man. They are more like younger boys and if you’re into that kinda thing then I suppose you could garner a few dates. I’ll just stick to the hotness I see at Hotel Costes. 

In any case, LCB certainly throws you right into the basics of cuisine. The chef’s don’t miss a beat and every action, every ingredient and every cut is explained so one can really understand the method behind each dish and begin to cultivate a language and encyclopedia of techniques to carry them through the most advanced dish. I tell ya, I’m very grateful for those years spent helping my mom in the kitchen, she def has skills and taught me a lot about the basics which has prepped me pretty well, so far. 

Up next: Week 3 – Drunken chefs, the crab massacre and more dough plus soups

Proud//Filed under: Things that make me happy

 

Rendering of Elettaria

I woke up, had coffee, had writers block and missed my yoga class but then I looked at Eater and was very happy and proud to find this article on Elettaria, one year later. Akhtar and Noel are proof that even in the most trying economic times, brains and heart can get you anywhere and everywhere. Akhtar and Noel have lived their lives devoted to food and their respective cultures plus they surround themselves with knowledge, hard work and good people. Oh and booze. 

It’s good to know good people. 

And Noel fed me pigs in a blanket after my Au Revoir New York party. Good peoples.

This is really annoying//Filed under: Things I find annoying

   

This photo has nothing to do with my post. Chuck Bass is just one sexy b*tch.

UPDATE: Sad face. Bahn Mi officially jumped the shark (in media saturation terms): NYT just came out with this article. I have to say, it’s a good article about my fave sandwich. ilove you Bahn Mi. Don’t change. 

This article is annoying and shallow. Yet another proclimation of a long-loved obsessives ethnic food gone trendy. Why people insist on ruining Bahn Mi for everyone is beyond me. I get that journalists report on trends. I get that they report the news but I have to say, this is annoying. Someone clearly needs a lesson on trends and given my extensive advertising background, I am more than happy to provide a very basic outline for you. 

Anatomy of a food trend 101 babies:

1. The new trend has started as a reaction to what is mainstream

2. Different kinds of trendsetters adopt the trend

3. A high number of trendsetters adopt the trend

4. The trend first emerges in a major city that is know to have many trendsetters

5. The trend quickly spread to other cities that are known to have many trendsetters

6. There is ongoing product and/or design development early in the trend process

7. The products or style can be imitated or copied

8. Many of the trendsetters’ media feature the trend in articles

9. There is a connection between Hollywood movies and the trend.

*courtesy of Henrik Vejlgaard, M.A., M.Sc

Can’t wait for the hipsters to catch on the the bahn mi sandwich! If I need a bahn mi in the hand of some trife loser I’m going to DIE. Did we not learn anything from the early 2000’s cupcake trend? The early 90’s pad thai movement? The mid 90’s asian fusion craze? The more recent $2o burger ridiculousness? 

Amen.

For the love of Carine//Footage and fotos

By now you know iHeart Carine Roifeld. I’ve hearted her for a long time and am secretly hoping to run into her (Vogue internship here I come). Since I left NYC for Paris I haven’t really caught up on any TV worth noting (Gossip Girl excluded) and just found out that CNN did a piece on Carine. It’s a bit shallow and lacks a certain depth that you would expect of CNN but either way we get to view CR on film. She kills it. I love the grey top she wears with the strong shoulders. It’s very MMM // Thierry Mugler.

LCB vol. I//Paris, the first 100 days

I had spent my first week in Paree doing what I always do whenever coming to this side of the world: long lunches, long walks, refusing to wait on long lines for museums, very long dinners and (window) shopping – there is a wonderufl French phrase for this that directly translates to “licking glass”, which one normally tends to do when viewing some of the clothes here. It’s natural, just give into it, no need to resist the urge. 

Apres my week of meandering my new neighborhood of St. Germain and eating at least one Pierre Herme croissant + macaron combo a day (what calories?!?), I began my education the same way Audrey Hepburn did in “Sabrina”, at Le Cordon Bleu. Since most of you are curious as to what it’s like, I’ll be reporting from the front lines. No pun intended. Not. 

Week 1: Orientation and the lack of French, done two ways. 

So begins Week One of my 9 month trek to a Diploma in the Culinary Arts. It starts on a Monday with a half day of orientation which began promptly at 9:30am. Here, you are introduced to the whole LCB staff and your Basic Cusine chef-instructors. If you applied for and got accepted into the Culinary Diploma program you need to take and pass Basic, Intermediate and Advanced cuisine (alternatively, you can apply for just Basic cuisine or Basic and Intermediate only). Absent for more than 6 classes? FAIL. Don’t pass the written exam? FAIL. Late to class? ABSENT. Yes Chef. They are very strict with the attendance rules, strict with your uniform (must be neatly pressed, clean and tailored)  and you must address the chef as “Chef”. I, on  the other hand, like to be addressed as Chief but that’s another post. 

Moving on. 

After you are introduced to the LCB staff, the Basic Cuisine class of 32 (made up of many nationalities but sadly, only one lone Frenchman)  gets divided into 4 groups of 8. For the entire Basic Program this group of 8 forms your Practical Class (more on that later). From there you take a tour of the school from the basement to the Winter Garden which acts as a gathering place and student lounge of sorts. The tour ends with you picking up your crisp new uniform (jacket, pants, apron, torchon, cap) and LCB Wusthof 40+ piece kit. Right after they ask you to go find a locker, padlock it and try on your uniform to ensure the correct fit. Pending chefs jacket and gingham pants fitting, you are released. Phew. 

Once home, you have the chance ro review your schedule and binder of “recipes” for the next 3 months. Classes have 4 start times: 8:30am, 12:30pm, 3:30pm and 6:30pm. The schedule changes every week with an average of 6-8 classes per week. So far I’ve had 8:30am classes almost every day which means waking up at 6:45 to leave my house at 7:45 to get to school at 8:00am so I can change into my chefs whites, grab my notebook, get a good seat and be there in time for roll call at 8:25am. Chef starts working at 8:30am on the dot. If you are late, he has every right to refuse entry into the classroom. AWES. Now that’s what I call wielding power in the kitch. Loves eet.

The classes are divided into two segments: Demos and Practicals. Demo = chef lecture + watch chef cook. Practical = in the kitchen cooking one of the dishes the chef made with a different chef instructor. In your demo you must take copious notes on the chefs technique and why is he working the way he does. There is a rhythm and reason to each action and we need to know the hows and whys for our practical. During said practical, we are only allowed to bring in our knife kits, tupperware, “recipe” (it’s just a list of ingredients) and our notes from the demo and we’ve got 3 hours to cook, soup to nuts. Can you say OUI CHEF. 

xxx

Next: LCB vol. II and Paris, Two Ways. 

It’s like we’re twins//Or not.

I gotta say, I’m with Michy Pfieffer here. Minus the dance sequence.

I luf eet//Parisian life vol I.

 

Thumbs up.

Ciao babies. 

After a long time spent planning, organizing and scheming to get to Paris, I am here. When we last left off, I had told you about my acceptance in to Le Cordon Bleu and my impending move to the City of Le Fooding (Lights? Le Fooding?, same-same). What I didn’t write about was the many things one has to do to prep for the trip. Nothing crazy, just simple steps to guide you to your dream.

First order of business was the apartment search. LCB doesn’t prepare you much for the stressful apartment search, save for a pamphlet with addressses of various rental websites which came with my acceptance letter and internal rules document. After a month of browsing websites and getting opinions I buckled down and stuck to what we in NYC know best – It’s all about the location. I found my cutie-pie in the 6th arrondissement, near the Luxembourg gardens and steps from Boulevard Saint Germain, home of the best designer shopping in the world. Paris is a very walkable city but I knew I wanted to be in the center (1st – 6th arrondissements).

Second order of business was buying my ticket, packing my bags, packing my apartment, packing my cats and saying bye to my city and my friends…just a minor stress. Minor.

Finally, after paying crazy fees due to both my suitcases being overweight and just making my flight…I am here and I luf eet.

Once in Paris, with all the bags and whatnot, it’s wise to hire a car service to pick you up and help with the bags. I had a wonderful man named Tim who also gave me some sage food advice (”all the food is good”) and the address to an English-language bookstore.

After a 45 minute from from CDG airport, we arrived at my new home. My very French landlady, Irene greeted me and showed me to my 6th floor apartment. It was love. Not only between me and my apartment but between me and Irene. I told her I was going to give her a lot of the food I make in school. Not sure she was very excited about this, but I was…

So now, I was almost settled with a week until class begins. What to do…

Next up: Paris: the first 100 days.

be jealz//the complexities of Complex Geometries

 

She is mine.

Way back in August I wrote about this amazing dress by Complex Geometries. It was sold out at Oak and I was dying to have this piece (the hood, the cut, very edgy non?). 

I wished for the dress and my wish came true. 

Thank you Adam and Complex Geometries for sending me this dress. I. am. never. taking. it. off. 

Well, just to wash. 

Maybe. 

Much much love to you…

The most humble apology on a silver platter

My new home

I’m sorry luv.

I’m back though.

With news.

It’s been a while, I know. I have been a touch busy due to…are you ready for this? Sitting down are we? Your humble (ish) gal is moving to Paris to attend Le Cordon Bleu!

I will be writing a lot about school and Paris and of course about saying “smell you later” to the city that birthed me and breed me, New York City.

I am thrilled, giddy, hungry and excited for Paris and the travels that lie ahead. So wish me luck and maybe I will reward you with a meal when I get back to NYC.

(clap clap clap, bow and exit stage right)